Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Boobs speak an international language.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize