Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
