It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
