sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
