Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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