I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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