grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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