My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
