I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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