none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
