i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
