how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
