I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
