I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
