guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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