Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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