Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
