You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
