How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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