i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
there is glitter all over my balls
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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