R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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