that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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