WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
