I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
