And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
