you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
