Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
