ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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