hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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