I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We talked him into tasing himself.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Randomize
