so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
