I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
