why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is the high leading the old right now
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
