My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
