haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
