There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize