I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
