Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
