so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize