3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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