ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
