i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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