Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
