scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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