It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
