Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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