I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
