i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We're facebook friends in real life
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
