I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
