I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
