SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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