Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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