Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
