Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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