Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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