I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
