Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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