yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
