I looked at my own cervix.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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