it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
