Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
