Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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