Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
