I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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