There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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