I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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