even my farts smell like vagina
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
