so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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