I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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