I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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