I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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