planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
