the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize