i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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