Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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